Cat Shit

If you aren't interested in it, stop reading now. But for many of us, its production, mitigation, and disposal is a constant concern. Thus it was a big deal for me last Saturday, when, after rashly emptying the stinky plastic pan in the back bedroom I suddenly found that our bag of litter was less than a quarter full. But no problem. We live here in Emeryville surrounded by warehouse retail, gratification of our every consumer need just a short drive away. In fact we have our own Pet Club just down the parking lot from the Home Depot, SportMart, and OfficeMax (if you pass ToysRUs or BestBuy you've gone too far.) I could be back within minutes, hopefully before our overfed three-legged feline discovered his box was bare.

It's a spectacle of pure abundance, I'll grant you that. Inside the Pet Club ("No Membership Required") rows of steel shelves extend almost beyond the limits of vision, bays stacked to the rafters with multi-colored bags and case lots of canned goods, sacks of seed, cages, leashes, squeaky toys of surprising shapes for teething puppies. The challenge is not so much to find what you need as to navigate this cavernous maze of what you don't want. I guess I don't do this enough, maybe that's the lesson here.

Finally I discovered it, a forklifted pallet partially blocking the aisle I pushed my cart along. "World's Best," nothing too good for kitty. Criss-crossed 17 lb blue-green and white sacks promising a fresh springtime experience. Linus would certainly appreciate the change. My jaw dropped. Everyday Low Price: $15.99.

About all you can say is that it takes a little of the sting out of rising gasoline prices when you're paying nearly a buck a pound for shit sand. It had to be a mis-marking. I looked around for a Pet Club representative who could confirm the error, but the kids were all busy stacking individual cans of Fancy Feast into a gourmet display. Jesus. A lot of the dry cat food costs less than this. What's going on?

It turns out that there is an astonishing range of product available at the Pet Club. I returned later to research just a few:

• Cat Country Organic--40lb / $14.49 (almost like going outside)
• S"Wheat" Scoop--40lb / $21.99 (unleashing the power of grain, for some reason)
• Feline Pine--20lb / $8.99 (personally I'd just splash a little Pine-Sol in the box)
• Nature's Miracle--10lb / 8.99 (exactly twice as expensive as Feline Pine but no doubt worth it)
• Premium Choice Scoopable--50lb / $10.99 (sort of a trade-off between the hernia involved in getting it home and the hands-on convenience of disposal)
• Pestell Easy Clean Clumping--40lb / $7.99 (clumping is like scoopable, only clumpier)
• Jonny Cat--20lb / $2.99 (my classic choice)

If you're one of the people who buys the higher price spread I suspect that this blog won't be changing your purchasing habits. The marketing mavens at Pet Club have obviously tapped a deep vein of consumer behavior, targeting a segment so obsessed with fecal avoidance that they will suffer any price, while shaming those of us who don't give a damn with the fear of kitty cough and smelly apartments. But if I can save just one pensioner from blowing their Social Security check on kitty litter it will all be worth it.